Many years ago, I wasn’t this sick. I had a job (in a building in downtown Seattle even). It was a great job. Paid the bills, had good insurance (even covered my husband before we got married). I had friends I saw nearly every week, went to concerts, and was learning how to be more than a wife and a mom. To be Gwendolyn. And I loved it.
Then my illness(es) got worse. To the point, where I had to quit this amazing job, and end up fighting for disability. It’s a hard fight with an invisible illness. So I hid. From everyone. It was easier to hermit, in a small room and do nothing. And it was, except for the wonderful people that stayed in my life (who were not all the ones I used to see), the worst time in my life (that has many good and bad times in it). Because I may have been subsisting, but I wasn’t living.
Go forward 14/15 years. I started pushing myself to do things again. First it was role-playing and making Icons on Live Journal. That lead to more writing, and Audio Drama. Which eventually lead to my own Audio Drama company Gypsy Audio. An AD company dedicated to having strong female pro and antagonists. That, and volunteer voice roles for everyone I knew in the community started to remind me that life was fun. Was for the living.
The last two years have hammered it home. With 9 deaths, it reminds you, that sooner or later this ride ends. So we should take as much life in as possible, and be the very best versions of ourselves. And I’m trying to do that, day in and out. I miss sometimes. but everyone does.
And writing is such a big part of this. Writing lets me be and do anything I want, regardless of my physical limitation. In words, I can fly. I can solve crime. I can be a vampire. I can be a serial killer. I can be anything. Acting gives me this as well, but not with the same power, since I’m usually play someone else’s character.
Writing and acting gave me one thing I could never find before: The ability to be anything I’ve ever wanted, and to share it with the rest of the world. If I can love harder, laugh more, and entertain even just a few? Then I’ve done those things. I’m here, I’m writing (yes, I am) and I’m living.